Hold me for just a little longer

What a life we lead in hopes of success. As most of you read, I had a bad night last night. Today really isn't that much better, but I'm not crying anymore. I'm still looking for some sort of small furry companion. I did find this dog that is up for free because her owners are moving...she was a rescued animal, so why not? She is a complete sweetheart too.

We went to the mall earlier..and I walked behind everyone while they skipped merrily singing of blowing up the wizard of oz with sticky grenades. I am such the little emo girl.

If I don't need you..then why am I crying in my bed?

I love this song, but I think I've said this before: The word "maim" does NOT belong in a love song.

I'm about to watch some hentai. Hentai always cheers me up. Hasn't failed me yet.

I'm trying to download these songs and it's not working. I don't have my Bif Naked C.D. anymore, so I have to download...I <3 Bif Naked...I don't care what anyone says. She came before Avril and is much better.

Blah blah blah.

Bye, yo.
  • Current Music
    Daniel Benningfield - If you're not the one

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I'm going to the Kennel today. Yay.

Arie says hi with her peace sign.

Just got done swimming.

I'm hungry.

I love it here.
  • Current Music

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I'll be adopting an animal when I get to AZ. Probably a small dog. I've always wanted one. Well, I've actually always wanted a husky and I've found one that I could get, but no big dogs in the apartment. =P

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Dlmkelly01: are you mad
Dlmkelly01: or crying
Brooke: both
Dlmkelly01: I'm sorry
Brooke: I was just stupid..I fed into his bullshit that he told me
Dlmkelly01: well... I know that doesn't make it hurt anyless
Brooke: He called me "his baby" and all that stuff..and he said he wanted to be with me once we graduated college..and he couldn't wait to see me again
Dlmkelly01: when was that
Brooke: when he was here
Dlmkelly01: and what is he saying bow
Dlmkelly01: now
Brooke: nothing
Dlmkelly01: oh shit
Brooke: After all the shit I put up with from and for him...jesus christ..
Brooke: this is worse than Michael
Dlmkelly01: well aren't you glad you learned about it now before he asked for more money and shit
Brooke: No. I wish I hadn't learned about it at all. It would have saved a lot of pain.
Dlmkelly01: sweetheart, life is full of ups and downs.... you must remember that
Dlmkelly01: just remember the worst pain you have ever felt in your life
Dlmkelly01: do you remember what that was
Brooke: yeah
Dlmkelly01: what
Brooke: pawpaw
Dlmkelly01: yes........... and you felt like you weren't gonna make it
Dlmkelly01: right
Brooke: I almost didn't. I snapped and wound up living in a group home for 6 months..remember?
Dlmkelly01: you felt like your heart from so broken it would never ever mend
Brooke: My heart still hasn't completely mended mom...and you know yours hasn't either.
Brooke: It's just scarred up.
Dlmkelly01: you're right
Dlmkelly01: but it what YOU and I decide to do from that point that makes us who we are
Dlmkelly01: I can go to the boat
Brooke: I got arrested and lived in a group home
Dlmkelly01: spend every dime I have
Brooke: What does that tell you about who I am?
Dlmkelly01: that tells me that you want more out of life
Dlmkelly01: do you want to go back there
Dlmkelly01: or do you want to go forward
Brooke: I want to go forward. I want passion and romance and excitement and happy times and all that stuff
Dlmkelly01: then you have to make it that way
Brooke: I thought I had it that way
Dlmkelly01: Shorts you can't live through a computer
Dlmkelly01: in journals
Dlmkelly01: talking with people that you don't even know
Brooke: I know..
Brooke: You know the first time I ever talked to Michael was over the internet
Dlmkelly01: its fantasy land
Dlmkelly01: beleive me... I use to live there
Brooke: I know
Brooke: I remember
Brooke: Noel and Virginia
Dlmkelly01: not just that.....
Brooke: Doc
Dlmkelly01: but others..... I could tell anyone anything and they wouldn't know any difference
Dlmkelly01: it was all FAKE
Brooke: I know
Brooke: I think I'm going to head home
Dlmkelly01: listen
Dlmkelly01: I know you are hurting
Dlmkelly01: but you will find someone
Dlmkelly01: that is perfect for you
Brooke: Not everyone does mom
Dlmkelly01: probably would help if you were a little more positive about it
Brooke: I can't help it. I see hundreds of people everyday and a lot of them are old and single and never married
Brooke: No kids. Nothing.
Dlmkelly01: well - you don't want to be like that
Brooke: No I don't.
Dlmkelly01: you are on the right track
Dlmkelly01: education
Dlmkelly01: working
Dlmkelly01: and you MUST take better care of yourself
Dlmkelly01: I had several ladies tell me how nice you looked the other day
Dlmkelly01: when you take time to fix yourself up
Dlmkelly01: you really do look nice
Dlmkelly01: maybe you could stop trying to be so Cool and try to be a lady
Brooke: yeah
Brooke: Hey mom...can we go out thursday night?
Brooke: Just me and you?
Brooke: And some of your friends?
Brooke: Just like..to eat or something
Dlmkelly01: we will have to wait until next week when dad is out of town
Brooke: Like we did with everyone from curves
Brooke: We should just have a ladies' night out

And with this, folks, I take my leave from LJ. I will not delete my journal because I still sort of want to be able to check back on my friends every once in a while, but I can't live here anymore.

I love you all. Call me sometime.



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I cared for him. I did everything he wanted me to. And he did nothing but go behind my back. That mother fucking asshole. I turned down people left and right because I WANTED TO FUCKING WAIT FOR HIM. I said I would wait. I was waiting. I am waiting. I went back to school because he wanted me to. And this is the shit he pulls on me. He lies to me. He comes here on my momey, fucks me, leaves me and then lies to me.

I swear to fucking god this is why I don't get into relationships anymore or trust people. They can't be trusted.

I can't believe I trusted you. I really tried. I did my best so we could have our future together that YOU said we would have. I don't get it. Why lie to me? Why hurt me this way...why fool me into thinking that you cared when you obviously didn't...

Why rip my heart even more than it already is and then get mad at me when I do something small?

I went through a lot of bullshit from my friends and my family for you...